duminică, 30 ianuarie 2011


Words, words, words...

I wrote and checked so many on my ‘Things to do in life’ list that I truly feel like another person. A better and upgraded version of me. A version that is not only no longer afraid to pick up the rock and throw it in the ocean but dive in for a swim! It has taken quite a large number of baby steps to get here but I am oh-so-happy and treasure each and every one of them. They've led me to where I'm heading today! <3

I shall divide this post in two parts: bad words and good words. As every individual I had to deal with both. Some coming from directions I never expected. As always I was more surprised by the bad ones...but maybe I should have seen that coming. :)

Considering the fact that I only received good news I choose to talk about the bad words first because I want to end my post in a as happy as me note! This is for those who gave up on me when I most needed them, those who not only turned their heads away but picked up a stick and drew a thick line between us like I had some kind of a bad sign on my forehead. Never thought my well-being could affect someone so much.

And now comes the time when I like to turn to the ones that have been near me and be grateful for their constant support. My strength lies in all the times I only saw ‘no’ and you taught me the word ‘yes’. Letter by letter I learned to spell and understand its true meaning!

'Life is a challenge, meet it!'

miercuri, 19 ianuarie 2011

duminică, 9 ianuarie 2011


...into what delusional world are we living that at every crossroad, instead of choosing a path and possibly not find only happiness and sunshine on it but still take the chance, one only seems to build up roadblocks and can't even imagine the mere existence of hope for better future?

As days pass by and I get closer to the need of making more and more choices it becomes difficult to struggle with the part of me that is afraid of opening doors and going outside and the part that screams 'it's alright to do so'. Why can't I find such small things normal and easy to do? Most of you dream and reach out; I dream of open spaces too, I’m just afraid of them, that's all.

It is not a surprise that it is easier to do something when you know that at the end of the day you return to the comfort zone: watch a movie, talk to a friend, take a bath and relax. It stops being easy when the distance between you and the comfort zone becomes measured in 3 or 4 digits, when the simple thought of crawling into the bed you know, the pillow you like, becomes unreachable.

You leave on a quest for reaching goals and end up longing for what you’ve left behind. Shouldn't we be afraid of the situation when, instead of adapting to goals you abandon them in order to return to what you know?

marți, 4 ianuarie 2011

...used to

Introspections...why are we bound to make them when our schedules seems to overflow with too many tasks to complete, too many places to be, too many people to see... It’s that exact time when you’re supposed to be working because of wasting serious amounts of time over useless nothings when everything turns against you; clocks and deadlines mostly.

Am I the only one with the urge to ignore and bury self for lack of time management and motivation skills? Probably not(considering the fact that I’m not the only one affected by that) but it sure isn’t a comfort not to be alone through this. Dragging others over your own mistakes will not make you feel better, it will make you regret that ‘I’ll do that later, as a matter of fact, why not tomorrow.’ said on occasions you should have braced the last drop of will in you and commence.

These are the times when I most wish not to press the repeat button for certain mistakes. I’ve already done them on other occasions, life, why bother doing it again now eh? Even I am tired of my ‘I’ll do better next time’...what if someday there will be no next time? If that time lapse remote is somewhere...I’d have a few stops and rewinds to juggle with, probably some slow-motion movie moments also, if it’s not too much to ask for.

Does all this even have a point, make a sense and is worth the struggle? Will we find ourselves after many years with grandchildren on our laps telling them stories about our early years with a Mona Lisa smile hanging in between our wrinkled cheeks? Or will we find ourselves yet again longing for that wasted time and missed chances?

It all seems to be revolving around questions for which I only posses vague answers. Why is it so easy to miss a step and Go back to (the hazy)Start yet so hard to make a step forward?

/Insert optimistic thoughts here.